at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
