Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
