I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am naked and annoyed.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
