New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
