I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
