Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
