So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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