He uses pillows to masturbate.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
