HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
