I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
