Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
