There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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