The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
