I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
