it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize