Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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