dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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