i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
