those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
