I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
