FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
