do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
