Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
