nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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