Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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