bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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