This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
