Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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