wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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