Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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