Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize