So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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