Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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