Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
