end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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