So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
