your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
