I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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