i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
