He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
