Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
