Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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