I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
