Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
