I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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