Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My penis needs a shock collar
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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