Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
