I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize