and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
