Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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