Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
