Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
