didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
