I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We just shotgunned beers for America
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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