when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
