The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
