I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The beer is more important than you right now.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
