I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
