no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
