you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize