Moan for me like Helen Keller
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I party with great urgency now.
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