Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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