they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
