I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
