Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
